Kigali Memorial Centre (Kigali, Rwanda)

"Look at your hands - are they red like mine?"
Marty McConnell, final line of one of her poems
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Superman sheets.

I remember my girlfriend coming over in 8th grade and the excruciating humiliation of her seeing the Superman covers I had on my bed. I part of me still hasn't forgiven my parents for not helping me update my bed sheets til high school. My mom had the same theory with bed sheets as she did towels (like the 2 bright pink ones she sent along with me for college) -- "They're in perfectly good shape - who cares what's on them?"

Superman sheets.

Today I visited the memorial centre for the genocide in Rwanda. I don't really have anything clever or insightful to try to capture the experience, so I'm going to do my best and pass along some things I wrote down word for word from the wall of the memorial at different points. I spent almost 6 hours slowing trying to absorb what is remembered in that space.

I got to the "personal belongings" room, where articles of clothing, jewelry, and shoes are displayed of people killed in the Genocide. Right in the center, stretched out, was my identical set of Superman sheets. I even walked up to it and inspected it with a sort of confused horror, a cold sweat and chills down my back, half thinking someone had borrowed my old one.

Then there was the "family photo" room. Thousands upon thousands of pictures of people before they were killed:

a middle-aged mother with her hair done, dressed up to go out

a daughter doing a cookie dance at a party

a father in his new jogging outfit about to sprint down a hill

a couple on their wedding day

an auntie laughing, holding a baby's hand as it took its first steps

a crooked, bucktoothed smiling big brother with his little brother in a head-lock

a sweet 16 party

a cocky teenage playboy in his new vest

a man bowing his head for communion in church

a graduation

a grandmother seated in a chair, surrounded by her son, daughter-in-law and two grandchildren - all of whom were killed together on one day of the genocide.

Then I went to the room for the children who were killed - massive blown up family pictures of the kids - towering above each viewer. Here is what I found written on the walls (with the photos above the writing):

Ariane Umotoni
Age: 4
Favourite food: Cake
Favourite drink: Milk
Enjoyed: Singing and dancing
Behaviour: A neat little girl
Cause of death: Stabbed in her eyes and head

Bernardin Kambanda
Age: 17
Favourite sport: Football
Favourite drink: Tea
Favourite food: Rice
Character: Clever at school
Cause of death: Killed by machete at Nyamata church

Irene Umutoni and Uwamwezi Umutoni
Ages: 6 and 7
Relationship: Sisters
Favourite toy: A doll they shared
Favourite food: Fresh fruit
Behaviour: Daddy's girls
Cause of death: A grenade thrown in their shower

Mami Mpinganzima
Age: 12
Favourite food: Chips with mayonnaise
Enjoyed: Traditional dance
Favourite song: "The Beauty of Woman"
Last word: 'Mum, where can I run to?'
Cause of death: Shot dead

Nadia Chanelle Ruterana Kanyange
Age: 8
Favourite sport: Jogging with her father
Favourite sweets: Chocolate
Favourite drink: Milk
Favourite song: "My Native Land Which God Chose for me"
Enjoyed: TV and music
Cause of death: Hacked by machete

Francine Murengezi Ingabire
Age: 12
Favourite sport: Swimming
Favourite food: Eggs and chips
Favourite drink: Milk and Fanta tropical
Best friend: Her elder sister Claudette
Cause of death: Hack by machete

David Mugiraneza
Age: 10
Favourite sport: Football
Enjoyed: Making people laugh
Dream: Becoming a doctor
Last word: 'UNAMIR will come for us.'
Cause of death: Tortured to death

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There is no organized, neat, or adequate way to convey what's going on inside of me right now. I'm just going to paste these fragmented bits I wrote down today and you can do with them as you will:

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WOMEN AND CHILDREN
"Women and children were a direct target of the genocidaires for murder, rape and mutilation.

The killers were determined to ensure that a new generation of Tutsis would never emerge.

Tutsi women were systematically raped and sexually mutilated as a weapon of genocide. This was often by known HIV-infected males. They were then either killed or spared to suffer on another occasion.

Hutu women in mixed marriages were raped as a punishment.

Women and children were not only victims of the genocide, but also perpetrators. Children were frequently forced to participate, often by killing their friends or neighbors.

Victims were sometimes forced to kill their loved ones just before they themselves were killed.

Hutu and Tutsi women were forced to kill their own Tutsi children."

"The primary identity of all Rwandans was originally associated with eighteen different clans. The categories Hutu, Tutsi, and Twa were socio-economic classifications within the clans, which could change with personal circumstances. Under colonial rule, the distinctions were made racial, particularly with the introduction of the identity card in 1932. In creating these distinction, the colonial power [Belgians] identified anyone with ten cows in 1932 as Tutsi and anyone with less than ten cows as Hutu, and this was applied to his descendents. We had lived in peace for many centuries, but now the divide between us had begun..."

"The Catholic Church influenced education in Rwanda. Teaching increasingly conveyed the racist 'Hamitic' ideology, largely accepted by the Church. Hamitic ideology portrayed the Tutsis as a superior group."

"Genocide was being rehearsed. Massacres of Tutsis were carried out in October 1990, January 1991, February 1991, March 1992, August 1992, January 1993, March 1993, and February 1994. None of the massacres constituted spontaneous outbreaks of violence. Despite knowing about these atrocities, the French government continue to support the Habyrimana regime. French soldiers participated in identifying Tutsis on behalf of the government."

"We...say to the Inyenzi [cockroaches] that if they lift up their heads again, it will no longer be necessary to go fight the enemy in the bush. We will...start by eliminating the internal enemy...They will disappear."
-- Hassan Ngeze, Kangura, Jan. 1994

Radio Television Libre des Mille Collines (RTLM)

[Photo of beautiful church / Photo of inside of church with body parts of 2,000 corpses scattered over the pews]
"Nyange: Two thousand congregants were sheltering in the church when Father Seromba gave the order to bulldoze the church building. He murdered his own congregants in his own church."

"A tree can only be straightened when it is young."
Traditional Proverb

[Photo of a group of teens, hanging out and laughing]
"Muhingana George (first from right) and Mujawamariya Epiphaine (fourth from right) before the Genocide. Muhingana George and Mujawamariya Epiphaine were chained together with this chain before they were buried alive."
[Rusted chain and lock in glass viewing case]
"When they were exhumed their corpses were still tied together."

"When French troops arrived, there were still survivors in the hills. It is reported that they reassured the [Tutsi] resisters that it was safe to come out of hiding, then left. Thinking it was safe, the weak survivors emerged to be slaughtered by the interahamwe."

"The guilt of survival."

300,000 ORPHANS
"Many survivors offered to take orphans into their homes on the grounds that they would have wanted someone to do the same if their own children had been orphaned."

"When they said 'never again' after the Holocaust, was it meant for some people and not for others?"
-- Apollon Kabahizi

YAHAYA NSENGIYUMVA
"Yahaya Nsengiyumva was a Muslim living in Nyamirambo. During the Genocide, he is said to have saved the lives of over 30 people, whom he protected or hid in his outhouse.
'The interahamwe killer was chasing me down the alley. I was going to die any second. I banged on the door of the yard. It was opened almost immediately. He[Nsengiyumva] took me by the hand and stood in his doorway and told the killer to leave. He said that the Koran says:
If you save one life, it is like saving the whole world. He did not know it is a Jewish text as well.'
-- Beatha Uwazaninka"

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In a video testimony of one of the survivors, a woman spoke of how haunting the silence was when she first returned - even the birds were mute.

As I stumbled into one corner of the Memorial I found myself watching a 5 minute video, with no sound, of the mutilated bodies of countless people. Children with machete gashes exposing their brain. Churches turned into mass graves.

Then the power went out. And the whole hallway fell dark, like a ghost had just blown out a candle.

I crumpled down against the wall and cried. Dirty, hot, selfish tears.

And then I walked outside and looked over the hill, behind the memorial, where 250,000 people murdered in the Genocide are buried.